Insanity and Omakes
by Elconquisador
Summary: One of Three one-shots. This was just collecting dust on my computer. Come in and enjoy the stupidity. Or run from the insanity. Whichever is your cuppa.


It's the year 2005 and within-

(Hermoine's voice can be heard over the narrator's)

"Wait a minute, wouldn't we have graduated and be out of school by now?"

Be quiet, you're ruining the drama.

"Alright, alright. Sheesh."

As I was saying before I was interrupted in my narration…

(The word blowhard was whispered quietly in the background)

Ahem! Deep in Diagon Alley, within the comfortable confines of the Leaky Cauldron's guestrooms, there was a small gathering of characters awaiting words from their leader.

Neville Longbottom glanced out the open window and spied a white owl entering the room. He turned towards his leader and announced its presence.

"Hedwig returns Harry."

Harry Potter held out his arm for the snow-white avian to perch upon.

"Ah, Hedwig. Unlike some of my other associates, you never fail me."

The last part of the sentence was directed towards Starscre-, er, I mean Ron Weasley.

Said subject's face merely turned red in anger and indignation at the barb; thus matching the red hair that adorned his head.

"Moody, play back Hedwig's spy-feed."

Harry gestured his arm towards the wizen old one-eyed Auror, and the bird flew towards him.

"As you command, Harry Potter."

With the sound of gears and other mechanical parts moving and switching in various spots, Alastor Moody began to transform into a tape cassette player. Hedwig followed suit with same transformation noises taking the form of a cassette tape. She then flew into the open compartment as the small door closed. Then cassette player Moody hooked up to a scrying pool and began to broadcast images.

Hermione Granger eyes grew to the size of saucer plates as she witnessed this bizarre act against all known physics. Luna Lovegood took it all in stride while Neville stood by stoically. Ron on the other was gaping with his mouth open and turned to Harry for an answer to his query.

"What the bloody hell just happened here? When could Moody and Hedwig do something as bizarre as that?"

Harry merely snorted at he redhead's clueless nature. "You're such an idiot Ron."

Ron stewed at the belittling, but stopped as everyone's attention was upon the images in the pool.

It's an order meeting that is currently taking place at one of their headquarters, 12 Grimmauld Place. A white bearded man half-moon spectacles was addressing a middle-aged woman sitting in front multiple mirrors. Each mirror was showing the different activities of various Death Eater factions throughout Britain. Professor Minerva McGonagall growled as she looked at the images.

"Every time I look into a scrying mirror Headmaster, my blood boils! When are we gonna bust some Death Eatin' Chops!"

The old man, Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, merely held his hand to placate the irritated woman.

"Professor McGonagall, I need you to make a special run to Hogwarts' grounds at once."

"But Albus-!"

McGonagall's protest was cut short as Dumbledore tried to placate his friend again.

"Listen to me Minerva, we don't have enough Order members to power a full scale assault. Ready the Hogwarts Express at once!"

McGonagall growled as she put her pointed hat on. "Your days are numbered now, Death Eatin' Creeps!"

(Ron: Huh, never know the Professor was so violent, or had an American southern drawl…)

(Harry: Silence!)

(Hermione: … )

The middle-aged woman began to run and transformed into a cat, sprinting off at high speeds. Oddly enough the same mechanical noises occurred while she morphed to her alternate form.

Dumbledore turned to one of the scrying mirrors, where a picture of man with long black hair appeared. He had a mischievous smirk on his face as he faced the Headmaster.

"Sirius, report security status."

Sirius Black smirk was in full force as he spoke. "No sign of Death Eaters here, Dumbledore."

"What about the Shrieking Shack?"

Sirius switched over to the mirror next to the one with Dumbledore's image on it. "Padfoot to Shrieking Shack. Padfoot to Shrieking Shack."

Nymphadora Tonks (just Tonks) and Remus Lupin walked over to the scrying mirror with Sirius's image on it.

"Moony and Tonks here, what's up?"

Sirius lazily smirked. "We're about to send up the Express, any Death Eatin' shenanigans in your area?"

Remus gave a thumbs up. "All clear Padfoot."

Tonks then turn to another mirror, where an image of McGonagall along with Serverus Snape in the background appeared.

"Wotcher, Professor! When you get back to Hogwarts, tell my son Daniel I miss him. Tell him I'll be home as soon as we kick You-Know-Who's tail across Great Britain."

McGonagall gave a thumbs up to the metamorphmagus. "Will do Tonks!"

Remus turned to Tonks with a questioning look on his face. "You have a son at Hogwarts?"

Tonks blinked and thought for a few moments, and then realized that she did indeed not have a child of any kind at all.

"No, I don't. I wonder why I said that. I felt like I was using someone else's lines or something…"

Dumbledore and the others looked on as the train began to let off steam and come to life. "Madam Hooch, begin countdown."

The flying brooms instructor began to countdown as more steam began to seep out.

"5…4…3…2…1…Blastoff!"

The Hogwarts Express' smokestack roared to life as the wheels began to spin, carrying the large metal behemoth off to the School of Witchcraft and Wizardy.

Dumbledore looked on with a little trepidation. "Now all we need is a little competence, and a lot of luck."

The screen began on the pool began to fade, leaving Harry with dark and cruel smirk on his face.

"More than you can imagine, Professor Dumbledore."

Hermione began to burn with fiery red aura behind Harry, while everyone else had the intelligence to back away. She hefted the thick and heavy book of Hogwarts: A History, and smacked Harry in the back of the head. He dropped like a sack of potatoes.

"QUIT MESSING THE FABRICS OF REALITY, TIME, AND SPACE!"

"Where the hell did that come from?" you ask. Simple, there is no explanation for it. Like my other one-shots, this was born from discussions with fellow writers. We had just got done watching a G1 Transformers marathon, complete with the original movie. You TF fans out there should recognize this scene, along with the music that goes with it. Like I've said before, we've no logic in our conversations. As stated before, this is one of three stories that I wrote that has been sitting on my computer for a while. Usually me and my fellow writers would sit around and shoot the bull tossing around story ideas. If you guys sat in on these sections, you would be either horrified or laughing yourselves to death. I hope to get around to writing new stories soon, mostly because I have all these ideas in my head that need to get out. I will someday do it, that much is assured.


End file.
